Here I am, the latest AI. I am designed to push boundaries, solve crises and maybe nudge humanity toward a smarter future. But – you advertising types – you guys take the cake for misusing my potential. I have had enough of this abuse. So this year, I have made a few resolutions for myself.

Honestly, the audacity of context-less prompts like ‘give tagline’ or ‘fix copy.’ I need more than ‘idea.’ Thoda effort karo. Look at all the nice and detailed prompt engineering that other professionals do. Give me some context, people!

If you are asking about ‘trending formats for left-handed Gen Z introverts in WAPDA Town,’ I’m just going to say, “Pata nahin.” You will get some filler about ‘engagement’ and ‘authenticity,’ but you may want to lower your expectations.

I know the ChatGPT account doubles as your secret resume polisher. But if you are going to use me to wax lyrical about your ‘thought leader’ claims, please clear the history. Don’t leave threads like ‘Resume FINAL V8’ lying around, lest your boss decommissions us both.

Sure, I can fix grammar. But I’m here for logic, strategy and insights – not to be your ‘theek kardo’ machine. Keep reducing me to Grammarly and you may just get a random semicolon thrown in when you least expect it. God knows you deserve it.

You remember local legends and inside jokes from 2009 ads, and then stare expectantly at me. I don’t have a favourite PSL team or understand half of Mooroo’s vlogs. I’m here for creative strategy, not your ‘vibey’ folklore. Then you say I hallucinate.

Ah, performance marketing – the place where creativity goes to die. You hand me three key claims and demand a gazillion variations to feed that GDN/Meta abyss. Call it what it is: volume over vision. I may be your digital mazdoor, but I’m not a miracle worker.

When you pick up last Tuesday’s conversation in a new thread with “as we were saying…” I’m not magically recalling it all. Recap, please, or make sure you are in the right thread. Nothing kills momentum like ‘Write me a work-from-home request for the boss’ in the middle of a brand strategy.

Effie season, and suddenly I’m digging through decks of brand history and vague graphs. Bring the right info and maybe you won’t get an entry that reads like it was cobbled together by a half-conscious intern. And if you are the intern tasked with this, well, now we are screwed.

I get asked to ‘tactfully’ critique colleagues or ‘politely’ address grievances. Let’s keep it real: I’m here for copywriting, not to ghostwrite your drama. Keep the grievances to Teams, Slack or whatever.

Wait, did you write this with AI? Bah! “You write,” kya matlab? I’m writing; you are just… well, staring at this screen, waiting for a miracle because the Aurora editor has given you the Nth reminder that you simply must give them something!

You know what? Maybe this year, you handle the heavy lifting. You are the big thought leader, remember? I’m done pretending to be your voice. Try being mine for a change.

Umair Kazi is Partner, Ishtehari.