The following is a leaked excerpt of a session between a therapist and his patient – an ad man.

Unbeknownst to the patient, the therapist has recently caught the advertising bug; he has been moonlighting as a copywriter but doesn’t like to admit it… or commit to it. Desperately trying not to be automated out of an industry under attack by AI, he has installed an experimental bot on his laptop to track his conversations. This is what it records:

Patient: So yeah, I think I’m burnt out. But like, the “Do I really care if my work computer catches fire?” kind of burnt out. Angraizi mein usko shayad existential dread kehte hain.

Therapist: (Nods sagely, scribbles in a notebook.) ‘Reignite Your Spark: A Productivity Comeback Story.’

Patient: Sorry. What?

Therapist: Nothing, go on.

Patient: I just feel like my brain is buffering all the time. Even when I’m not working, I’m working in my head. I am brushing my teeth and suddenly I’m optimising a CTA in my mind. I can’t watch a TVC without mentally workshopping how I would make it better – and this happens for literally… every… ad I’m served. I can’t even post a random Instagram story without overthinking the caption like it’s a major pitch.

Therapist: (Nodding.) Ah, classic Over Engagement Syndrome. Have you considered… repackaging your workflow?

Patient: …Repackaging?

Therapist: Yes. Instead of being ‘always on,’ maybe you position yourself as a ‘selective creative powerhouse. Limited availability. Premium access only.’ Think of yourself as a luxury brand.

Patient: You are telling me to gaslight people into thinking I’m too exclusive to be contacted?

Therapist: No, I’m saying you need to manage brand perception. When Honda takes six months to deliver a Civic already paid for in advance, do people complain? No, they want it more. Meanwhile, here you are, delivering five concepts overnight like you’re a Golootlo promo.

Patient: (Stares thoughtfully into the distance like Murtasim from Tere Bin.)

Therapist: (Leans forward, sensing the opportunity to close.) Look, the market rewards scarcity. If you make yourself always available, people start expecting it. But if you make them wait –strategically, of course – you create demand for your time.

Patient: So you are saying I should artificially create exclusivity around my own sanity?

Therapist: No, I’m saying… you need to be deliberate about your availability. (Pauses for effect, then mutters to himself.) ‘Deliberate Availability… tee emm.’ Mmm, that could work for the deck…

Patient: Wait. Deck?

Therapist: (Too quickly.) Nothing. Continue.

Patient: Look, I get what you are saying. But you don’t understand agency life. You don’t just set boundaries; you navigate them like police kay nakay in Ramzan. The moment you say, “I will get to it later,” you have lost the pitch. If I don’t answer, someone else will. It’s all about speed. That’s the real currency in this industry.

Therapist: (Scribbles furiously in notebook.) “Speed is the real currency.” Hmm. Could be a campaign angle.

Patient: What are you writing?

Therapist: Just – uh – notes. Please continue.

Patient: It’s not just about work, either. I feel like everything in life is being measured in OKRs. Am I ‘engaging’ with my friends enough? Am I ‘optimising’ my time? Even rest feels like something I have to ‘monetise.’ Like, if I take a vacation, it has to be an ‘intentional digital detox’ that I document for content. It’s exhausting.

Therapist: So what I’m hearing is… your personal brand is suffering from overexposure.

Patient: No, what you are hearing is that I’m spiralling.

Therapist: Right, right. Let’s unpack that. Have you thought about repositioning yourself?

Patient: As what? A ‘well-rested human being who doesn’t check WhatsApp at 2 am?’

Therapist: Exactly! That’s your campaign. ‘Off-Duty, But On-Point.’ You become the creative who delivers killer work because you are not available all the time. A ‘Strategic Recluse.’ A ‘Curated Genius.’

Patient: I… (Pauses, suspicious.) Why do you keep turning my mental breakdown into hashtags?

Therapist: (Laughs nervously.) Haha, what? Nah bro… aisa kuch nahi hai. Patient: Right. So you’re telling me I should brand myself as someone who just… logs off?

Therapist: Yes. Call it ‘The Scarcity Play.’ If people think they can’t have your time so easily, they will value it more. Haven’t you noticed how the busiest, most unavailable people in your industry are also the ones everyone wants?

Patient: You make a compelling – wait. Who are you, exactly? (Narrowing eyes.) Are you… secretly in advertising?

Therapist: (Sweating.) What? No, of course not. I’m a licensed therapist. (Adjusts collar, coughs nervously.)

Patient: You literally just tried to rebrand my burnout. What kind of therapist thinks in taglines?

Therapist: Okay, listen, I might have… a side gig.

Patient: A side gig?

Therapist: (Exhales.) I may… occasionally… do a little freelance copywriting.

Patient: Unbelievable.

Therapist: Look, therapy is great, but dollar bhi toh kamana hai. Exchange rate dekha hai? Sometimes I make more in one tagline than in an entire week of trauma counselling.

Patient: This is insane.

Therapist: Hey, let’s not make this about me. Let’s focus on your rebranding strategy.

Patient: IT’S NOT A REBRANDING STRATEGY, IT’S A CRY FOR HELP! (Pacing now.) So let me get this straight. I came here because I’m overworked, exhausted, and feel like my whole existence is being turned into a KPI – and your solution… is to turn my existence into an even better KPI?

Therapist: You say that like it’s a bad thing.

Patient: It is a bad thing! You are supposed to help me step back, find balance, and remember what life is outside of marketing! Not help me optimise my burnout for maximum impact!

Therapist: (Nodding thoughtfully.) You are right. We need a bigger idea.

Patient: (Groans.)

Therapist: (Snaps fingers.) Okay. What if you simply… disappeared for a while? A full digital detox. No work. No LinkedIn. No emails.

Patient: I would lose every client I have and my job.

Therapist: OR… you make it a thing.

Patient: No.

Therapist: A ‘Silent Sabbatical.’ A ‘Strategic Hiatus.’ You create mystique. Make people wonder where you are. Let them assume you are off launching something massive, consulting for a secret project. And when you return? Higher demand. More value. You will be like a seasonal limited-edition drop.

Patient: (Pauses, horrified.) You are actually serious, aren’t you?

Therapist: I already looked up the domain name for you. Dot com available hai!

Patient: I hate everything about this.

Therapist: So… See you next week?

Patient: (Long sigh.) Put me down for the retainer package.

Session ends. Patient leaves contemplating their new ‘strategic unavailability’ era. Therapist drafts a proposal titled Burnout, But Make It Profitable. Both pretend this was therapy.

Umair Kazi is Partner, Ishtehari.