The Last Rant

When I filed my firstcolumn for Aurora27 years ago in1998 (yes, that’sright, around about the timemost of you were born), theadvertising world operated onthree sacred truths: 1) The clientis always right (even when theyare patently wrong); 2) This willonly take five minutes (possiblythe greatest lie ever told in thecreative department); and 3) Thecheque is in the mail (the secondbiggest lie).

While these tenets still ringtrue, there are some things thatactually have changed.

‘Going viral’, for instance,actually meant that you werein sore need of antibiotics.‘Influencers’ were called‘celebrities’ and, believe it ornot, actually had something weloosely referred to as ‘talent’.What you call ‘content’ todaywas still tagged as ‘work’. Theadvertising industry was actually‘industrious’ in the sense thatit was populated by men andwomen who were citadels ofideas and not the marketingtechnologists that pepper today’ssoup of algorithmic banality.And, lastly, being ‘data-driven’meant asking the planning andclient services team for theirconsidered opinion on expandingthe canvas of possibility that layopen before us.

The tools have changed(goodbye mechanicals and comps;hello AI-generated nonsense), butthe fundamental challenges stillremain surprisingly stubborn – like: 1) How do you sell things to peoplewho don’t really want to be sold to?and 2) Does smoking weed reallymake you extra creative or just getsyou fired?

I don’t really know the answers.But, over the past three decades, Ihave witnessed our industry copeprecariously and endlessly througha cycle of our very own version ofthe Seven Stages of Grief:

1. Denial: Print isn’t dying –it’s evolving!
2. Anger: You want how manyrevisions – and by when?
3. Bargaining: If we win thisaward, we’ll never compromiseour ethics.
4. Depression: Why did wespend six months on a campaignthey’ll forget in six seconds?
5. Acceptance: Fine, we’llmake the logo bigger.
6. Relapse: Actually,what if we did try somethingspectacularly bold?
7. Amnesia: This time, I’m goingto make a meaningful difference.

Despite this endless loopin a race to the bottom, theoccasional miracle does happen.Great work still gets made. Thekind that burns the edges ofmediocrity and singes its magicinto collective memory. Thekind of work we get out of bedfor – so that luck, circumstanceor coincidence might hand usthat golden wand of justifiedirreverence that can bend light orevaporate darkness.

Okay, I’m taking this too far…If the master-blender ofthese spells actually existed,that person would be a multizillionaire. Sadly, he doesn’t exist.So you will have to bear withmore unsolicited advice if youare new to the game – or stillhaven’t emigrated to Canada.

1. To Creatives: Pick your nicheand develop a portfolio thatscares clients a little. The days ofthe generalist are long gone. Butthe days of micro-speciality andco-creation are here. So becomea silver bullet among a flock ofblunt arrows.

Lousy presentation skillsdecimate your team’s hardwork. If your firm doesn’t havea professional presenter, findone. Pay them handsomely.End of discussion.

The best revenge againstbad clients is great work forgood ones. Stagnant blood isbad blood. When people andclients move, that is great forthe industry. But if you or yourstaff are getting abused, end therelationship. Immediately.

2. To Clients: Lazy briefs leadto lazy work. If you are amarketing professional, at thevery least, you should know theart of making marks: Verbal.Visual. Vivid. Getting the agencyto guess what’s on your mind isa wasteful and gloomy exercise.If the work is not visible,someone invisible is on the take.Know now that if you have a raton your team, the damage theywill do will fester long after theyare gone. Ventilate your culturewith rigorous brand policing.

Trust your agency. Instinctcannot be bought: It takes upto six months to get chemicallyaligned with your agency partners.Without underlying trust, you willturn them into psychopaths andyourselves into sociopaths.

3. To Everyone: Awards aregreat; paycheques are better.Of all the ways that are outthere to pimp your ego, pleaseremember that no agency haswon business based on thenumber of awards they havewon. None.

No one ever got fired for doinggreat work: Okay, maybe a fewpeople – on weed. But it’s alwayseasier to tone down an overlycreative crackerjack compared toigniting the dead imagination ofa well-meaning dullard.

The industry will change.Your integrity shouldn’t: Noexplanation needed here.I can’t leave withoutexpressing gratitude to everyonewho kept my column Abovethe-Line in Aurora alive andkicking. My ex-wife came upwith the name, and I have toadmit, it lasted way longerthan our union ever did. I havealso been asked on manyoccasions to send an entry toGuinness World Records for therecord on the world’s longestrunning advertising columnby a single author. Naturally, Irefused. Because if you must dosomething that only exhibits yourvanity, it’s best done in private.

To the Readers: You remainmy favourite kind of focus group.Unpaid, but brutally honest.Your emails (from ‘Brilliant!’ to‘Bullshit!’) kept me sharper thanany editor.

To the Editors: For turning myrants into something resemblingcoherence, for pretending mydeadlines were flexible ratherthan fictional, and for making mytypos look like stylistic choices;few can compare with theeditorial acumen of Aurora.

To the Industry: You aremaddening, inspiring, frustratingand wonderful – often beforelunch. Never change. (But, also,please do.)To close, a word or two aboutthe future. As of right now, it’scommonly understood that AIwill not replace creatives, butcreatives using AI will replacethose who don’t. I tend to agree.Technology is one of the manyresources smart creatives haveat their disposal. Secondly, thenext ‘Big Idea’ will look nothinglike the last one (which is agood thing). And if it’s lacedwith cultural resonance or moralcourage, it has the makings ofa real contribution to our craftand purpose. Thirdly, someonewill finally crack the metaverse –probably right after the rest of ushave given up.

And, lastly, advertising, at best,has never been about selling.It’s been about connecting. Forthree decades, this column hastried to do the same with theunderstanding that progress isnot achieved by the guardians ofmorality or the status quo but bythe mad men, hermits, heretics,thinkers, dreamers, rebels,sceptics, poets and artists. Inother words, stupidity is filledwith certitudes, but those withany degree of imagination arefilled with doubt and anxiety.

Have I reached a thousandwords? Yep. It’s over – andI’m out.

Faraz Maqsood Hamidi is CCO andCEO, The D’Hamidi Partnership, aworldwide partner agency of WPI.