Aurora Magazine

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A not so Fair & Lovely jalwa

Published Sep 08, 2015 05:17pm
Eight reasons why there's nothing lovely about Fair & Lovely ka jalwa

You can love or hate this song, it really doesn’t matter. One look and you will know that Fair & Lovely ka jalwa, featured in the soon-to-be-released Pakistani film Jawani Phir Nahi Aani is vying for the top slot in the list that ranks the mother of all product placements. For F&LKJ was written, produced and choreographed, not for the audience (why on earth would anyone do that?), but to gratify the bosses at Corporation Gora Cream. The more relevant question then is what did we, the people, do to deserve this?

Here are eight reasons why nothing is right (and all is wrong) with Fair & Lovely ka jalwa:

  1. Eight left feet do not a filmi naach gaana make. And don’t rub salt on our wounds by laughing about your two left feet in the behind-the-scene videos. It is not cool when Hamza Abbasi admits that F&LKJ was his first dance in a film ever (or just ever) and Humayun Saeed (wisely preempting public response) says “You may not laugh at the film, but you will laugh at my dance.” You don’t say.

  2. Pakistan’s beloved bigot and actor Hamza Abbasi dissed all Pakistani actresses who dared to do item numbers. Dude you know what they say about people who live in glass houses? In managing your two left feet in this unsynchronised stab at a dance, you just walked into the glass door of your own making. #dissback #lovetojudge #karmarulz

  3. It’s been what? Eight days since Pakistani cinema took off? After staring aghast as Bin Roye fell apart at the hands of bad editors and the cast sleepwalked through that glorified Cornetto ad (read Karachi se Lahore), you really thought you could float through anything that was served up in the name of cinema. Until this. Bhai why do we keep forgetting ke Pakistan mein bohot talent hai? One just needs to attend your mad family’s OTT mehendis to see more successful attempts at coordinated shaking, na.

  4. You might feel better about this assault on your senses if you psych yourself into believing that F&LKJ is not a song, but a jingle sung by a wailing cat with a scratchy throat. Now repeat: It is not a song. It is not a song… it is a jingle. It is not a song… it is a wailing jingle. It is not a song… it is a bombed wailing jingle.

  5. Once you strain and really listen to the lyrics, more regret will set in. Wouldn’t a lyricist who forcibly rhymes ‘gear’ and ‘share’ and ‘here’ and ‘pyaar’ , be more in alignment with his calling if he was handing out free sachets of F&L at your neighbourhood mall?

  6. Oh dear! Did Wasay Chaudhry struggle with a one-legged move and almost trip at one point? Did no one notice? And the best shots are showcased in the promo of the film? Gasp! Drag your feet verrrry slowly to the cinema if you really want to watch this one. Or stay home and watch water evaporate.

  7. Humayun Saeed: Do the honourable thing and retire while you are still fair, because we are having to strain them eyes to spot the lovely bits. Seeing the comments on social media, the momentary strain that flitted across your face right after your pelvic thrusts on the stairs ala Ranbir Kapoor, was NOT missed. I am guessing it drove home the central theme of the film, more effectively than the storyline. Jawani waqaii phir nahi aani. In any case, after sleepwalking through Bin Roye and huffing and puffing your way through F&LKJ its time to take a breather bro and stick to production. And also learn to hire better editors.

  8. While it’s tough enough sitting through the promo of this song at home, you can always leave the room/change channel/shut window/delete video once your skin begins to crawl. Because crawl it will. But imagine listening to however-many-minutes of this screechy wail in a darkened theater with nowhere to run? Shudder, shudder.

Shahrezad Samiuddin is an aspiring screenwriter and pop culture junkie.


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Comments (44) Closed

Jawad Sep 09, 2015 01:06pm

ignore the author of this article and LOVE the song and dancing. This is an amazing song probably one pakistani song which i like the most. Everything about this video and song was great.

Ali Sep 09, 2015 01:12pm

"Pakistan’s beloved bigot and actor Hamza Abbasi dissed all Pakistani actresses who dared to do item numbers. Dude you know what they say about people who live in glass houses? "

Hamza Abbasi is the biggest fake and a hypocrit. He lost so many fans because people can see through lies and fakeness. I am sure he watched Phantom as well and told us not to watch it lol

syed wasim haider Sep 09, 2015 01:25pm

Nicely written by Shahrezad; very well pin pointed the goodness and weaknesses.

Naxalite Sep 09, 2015 01:28pm

What did i just read? People really get paid writing this crap?

Hira Malik Sep 09, 2015 02:28pm

This article is plain sad. Support Pakistani cinema it is lots more better cheap Indian songs.

analyses Sep 09, 2015 02:33pm

Nice article. Really I could not believe when I really concentrated on the lyrics of this song, which is supposed to be in a big budget film produced by Lollywood. The lyrics were even worse than the comical and most pathetic attempt by all actors and actresses dancing in the song and the voice of the lady who sung this song. The choreography and dance steps were equally bad (copied from bollywood movies anyone can name) and the actors were trying hard to dance just like bollywood actors.

saba Sep 09, 2015 02:55pm

"Humayun Saeed: Do the honourable thing and retire while you are still fair, because we are having to strain them eyes to spot the lovely bits."

Buhahahaahha!!!!! Spot on! While the editing was terrible, Humayun Saeed was still the worst thing about Bin Roye. I did enjoy the movie, though it was more because of Mahira khan and the beeeyyuuutifull clothes!

asdf Sep 09, 2015 03:08pm


khuram Sep 09, 2015 03:20pm

this is what you call, criticism for the sake of criticism

Manjit Singh Sep 09, 2015 03:27pm

Absolutely rubbish and trash dancing.You need to have brains to copy too.

Aiman Sep 09, 2015 03:33pm

I am sorry to say but I totally agree with the writer... I think the girl Sohayi herself doesnt deserve to be in the movie..!.. No hard feelings but she is the most over-actress I have ever seen in the history of Pakistani drama industry and now i hope not in the film industry...! Talking about the revival of Pakistani cinemas.. This is what you call a revival?..Wow1!>. Hell no..! After doing a movie like Waar this is all Hamza could deliver? Really disappointed...

Z Z Sep 09, 2015 03:50pm

This is a well written piece about a truly cringe-worthy song. Humayun Saeed's steps with the daffly remind me of Adnan Sami's Dholki bajao number from the 90s. Adnan Sami did it way better though. Also, a personal preference, perhaps, but whatever #iwannabeablonde thing is going on with the heroine's hair is NOT lovely.

Armaan Sep 09, 2015 03:59pm

Shahrezad Samiuddin is an aspiring screenwriter and pop culture junkie. (Man you need some counselling before you hurt your over confident S.)

Namrah Sep 09, 2015 04:27pm

meh.. still gonna watch the movie for entertainment. sadly hamza abbasi looks bad in the movie and was gonna watch it for his face lool

Mehr Sep 09, 2015 04:45pm

Was this article an attempt at humour? It's not funny and also quite boring!!!

Syeda Alina Saeed Sep 09, 2015 05:13pm

Totally agree. Personally I view that song as a second level effort to Indian item songs.Even with all my love for fair and lovely and loyalty to the brand.I can't hear the brand name clearly in the song let alone resonate with it

Amna Hayat Sep 09, 2015 05:13pm

The MAIN problem with this song is the promotion of 'Fair & Lovely'!! Why on earth are we promoting (on a national level) this utter nonsense? Is there any need to make the women of Pakistan feel more insecure about their perfectly beautiful brown skin than they already are? The F&L ads, hell the mere existence of the cream, have done enough damage - there was really no need for this song to reiterate the message that in this country a woman's beauty is completely dependent on her skin colour. It's shallow and God do I hope the popularity of this song remains within limits!

Amanullah Shahid Sep 09, 2015 05:27pm

Come on yaar its just a song for a developing film industry, why take it so seriously? All this 10 mins I just wasted reading an article which failed to put any bit of fair argument at all

Salman Tariq Sep 09, 2015 05:41pm

The author clearly has an axe to grind. The feedback is over-the-top

Zulfi Sep 09, 2015 08:31pm

A crappy article about a crappy film. Good going...

Consulting Sep 09, 2015 09:15pm

wat crap dance

Unknown Sep 09, 2015 09:20pm

Gar ki Murghi Daal Braber

Imran Sep 09, 2015 09:41pm

Set all differences aside and bring in some Indian choreographers. As Pakistani male and female actors go to India, Pakistan can at least return the favor by hiring Indian dancers and choreographers. Music will come within time. There is talent and willingness to learn. So learn from the best, which is Bollywood.

haque khan Sep 09, 2015 09:47pm

Writer seems like was high on something, because this song and its video is pretty good.

Shahid Khan Sep 09, 2015 10:35pm

I think there is something positive in this song! Do not worry about author! Keep doing the great work!

Ajay vikram Singh Sep 09, 2015 11:05pm

LOL. Bollywood wanna-be. Whatever you say, India has hit you hard....just at the heart. Haha....come on now....stop pretending.

Khurram Sep 09, 2015 11:11pm

These kind of so called "film critics"would watch Sheela ki Jawani whole night in their rooms but coming here on Pakistani song to teach audience about lyrics, music and theme....Gosh

a Sep 09, 2015 11:22pm

What a piece of crap. Learn to appreciate. How could such piece of crap can be published.

Junaid Sep 09, 2015 11:57pm

WOW what a horrible article. I hope it was written to get people talking more about the movie and enhance the buzz; but seriously and simply "if you don't like it just don't listen to it". This is certainly not a review it is more of a tirade. I am so surprised that people like you get a national stance to spew upon.

Hello Sep 10, 2015 12:38am

Wow i feel like if this was an Indian song the authors opinion might have differed. Anyways, not that I support item songs but I do feel like this is a very well done song in terms of choreography, dancing and set. Pretty much comparable to any other item song out and about these days

Ikram Yousefzai Sep 10, 2015 12:44am

Look like the author have some personal issues with Hamza Abbasi, Why not solve it personally with him, Why you need a national news paper like Dawn to prove your point.

Someone! Sep 10, 2015 02:56am

I don't like this trend of Bollywood style dances and songs. We should project and reflect our society and culture and come up with unique ways of reflecting them. This will ensure orignality and spurn more creativity. Why copy someone else's style when you know your cultural values are one to be jealous of! Showcase them I say! Be orignal and be different if you want a slice of the cake. In these dance and song routines Bollywood is so superior that you can never catch them!

adnan Sep 10, 2015 03:24am

pakistan film industry, first of all it is not one. secondly it is just rubbish currently and they do not know what are they trying to achieve even

ilsa Sep 10, 2015 04:25am

@Jawad please have a eye and ear checkup

ilsa Sep 10, 2015 04:26am

OMG now i can proudly say i can dance like madhuri

ilsa Sep 10, 2015 04:27am

what is hamza ali abbasai doing on stairs standing still and then that stupid hand step reminds me of pre secondary times lol

Kashif Sep 10, 2015 05:47am

What I could see was a bunch of wannabes trying to be what they can never be..

B Sep 10, 2015 06:12am

Racist thing ever, immortalized in the form of a song. Fair and Lovely was bad enough, must we now have a song for it too? The author goes on and on about the dance moves, what about the racism this cream promotes? What about the masses of people it subjugates by promoting the idea that to be "lovely", one must be "fair" too?

If this is the sold-out future of Pakistani cinema, it should die and wait at the gates of hell.

SRK Sep 10, 2015 07:56am

Bollywood dance sequences are something very original, creative and different compared to Hollywood movies, the song above is a mere copy of a bollywood song's body but the soul is still missing.

ali hassan Sep 10, 2015 08:34am

We loved this song and every other song released in Lollywood this year and in 2014 especially 1-Billi 2-Tutti Frutti and 3-Aaja Re Aaja Re 4-Selfiyaan 5-Darbadar 6-O Yara 7-Ballay ballay and now Fair and Lovely ka Jalwà

Aztec Sep 10, 2015 04:20pm

@Amna Hayat There is nothing wrong with finding fair complexioned women more attractive. Have you ever seen any man complaining that taller men are seen as more handsome, While majority of men are short? Don't you think it breeds insecurities among men? But still you don't see them complaining. because they understand people like what they like.

Zehra Naqvi Sep 11, 2015 11:57am

OMG i cant stop laughing. But you forgot to mention the duffly dance :D

Rashid Nazir Sep 12, 2015 11:31am

So much negativity, i wonder what kind of perfection we want from our cinema. Especially the critics and analysts like this author.

Rashid Nazir Sep 12, 2015 11:35am

@Khurram So right, they will watch all the nudity in any indian song with pride. But always torn apart any pakistani film